


Til I Did

by orphan_account



Series: Sinners Anonymous™️ [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, LETS FUCKING G O, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 17:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8541388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.





	

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ACE BANDAGES, SELFHARM, CHAINSMOKERS (sorry), 
> 
>  
> 
> TWO MONTHS IS TOO FUCKING LONG LETS G O
> 
> disclaimer: i am not trans, i am nb. i have no way to bind or anything like that and i do not have experience with this shit. my boyfriend, however, is trans and if anything is wrong in this, he can correct me- or YOU can correct me. i wrote alex as trans to vent about my questioning struggles and have tried to do all the correct research to figure this all out correctly. if you see anything wrong with my writing, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME. the last thing i want to do is make anyone uncomfortable. thank you, and i hope you enjoy.

Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.

Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.

Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.

Breathe, 1, 2, 3, 4, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4.

Breathe, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules, exhale, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules.

Breathe, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules, exhale, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules.

Breathe, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules, exhale, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules.

Breathe, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules, exhale, him, John, Lafayette, Hercules.

Alex tried hard to make this pattern work but by the fourth "Lafayette" his heart felt like it was going to explode. 

"Its okay Alex, we're right here- Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix." Lafayette held his hand tightly. 

"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix." Alex repeated quickly, closing his eyes. "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix."

"Good, good little lion." Laf hummed. "So good." 

Alex opened his eyes and scanned his surroundings, desperate for something to distract himself with. John sat thigh to thigh with Hercules, Lafayette was next to Alex on the gurney the nurses had rudely shoved him on. Thomas sat next to Peggy, Peggy was asleep on his shoulder.  _It is one in the morning._ He thought. Alex was reluctant to go to the hospital and managed to hold off this late until he gave in. Maria was seated firmly in Eliza's lap, Eliza had her nose buried in her pretty, pretty hair. Angelica tapped a thumb mechanicaly on the chair arm. "Stop that please," Alex said quietly. "Can't listen to that noise."

Angelica shot him an apologetic look and stuffed both hands in her sweatpants. "Theo should be here by now, right?"

Aaron ( _when did he get here what?_ Alex thought.) said, "She's a second year intern. She'll be with her resident or her attending."

"Wait those are real? I thought they were just Grey's Anatomy terms." John asked, genuinely puzzled. The whole room (minus John) laughed, even Alex.

"Im the french immigrant and i caught onto that sooner than you did!" Lafayette slugged his shoulder. 

John blushed. "Not my fault I'm not smart," He muttered.

Alex laughed lightly and leaned partially forward to kiss him. John met him the rest of the way and reluctantly pulled back after a few seconds. 

Just as the kiss was ending, the door cracked open. "Sorry I'm late, we had a car pile-up, multiple traumas, yada yada yada." A burly looking woman walked in with Theodosia close behind. 

"Theo!" Aaron grinned. "How is little Doe?"

Theodosia smiled. "She's doin' well, just started kindergarten. It's wild, bein' a mother."

 _That's right_ , Alex remembered, _Aaron's a daddy_. Back in highschool, when Laf and Alex were fresh to America, Aaron and Theo had hooked up as "fuck buddies" and it ultimately resulted in Theo getting pregnant with Aaron's baby. Alex remembered her rushing to their dorm with big tears and a positive pregnancy test in her tightly wadded hands. Alex had invited her in, made some tea (that he had for some reason) and called Aaron. Aaron came over within at least three minutes of the call and hugged her tightly.

All Alex really remembered was the next few weeks where Theo announced her and Aaron would keep the baby and they would still be the best friends they always were. He remembered everyone being supportive and buying her a lot of stuff, baby clothes, a crib or five (Thomas had insisted) and even a steamer. They named the baby Theodosia too because: One; Aaron was too excited to think of the right name and two; Theodosia was still unconcious from her c-section. Theodosia had gone through her last years of highschool, all of med school and even now with Little Theo all in tow. To this day, Alex considered Theo to be his hero.

"Alright Alexander, is it? I'm Dr. Payne and i'll be your attending for your stay here. This is Dr. Alton, but I'm sure you know that already." The burly woman sat down in her swivel chair and pulled a pen out of her pocket. "Let's see, multiple wrist lacerations to both arms..."

While Dr. Payne proceeded to look over Alex's cuts, Theo snuck her way over to his side. "I got you Dr. Payne especcially," She whispered. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable so I got you our transgender attending. I know that sounds like a very straight ally thing to do but-"

"Dr. Alton," Dr. Payne didn't look up from her work. "Are you discussing my personal life with the patient?"

"N-No ma'am!" Theo stuttered. "I-I was just-"

"She," Alex cut her off. "Was telling me she got you personally for me so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. She tells me you're trans? Male to female?"

Dr. Payne looked up with a cold glare. "What, you one of those guys that gotta fetish for a girl with a dick?"

"No," He attempted to laugh but hissed when she prodded an oozing cut. "I'm trans myself, I think all Dr. Alton was trying to do is-"

"Now is that so," Dr. Payne sat back with a smile. "How many years you been on T?"

Alex felt a rush of relief run through him. "'Bout four years now? Yeah, four or five years. It's been hell, but-" He looked over his family crowded in the same room as him. "I found these suckers and that made it a whole lot easier."

Dr. Payne smiled as Lafayette kissed Alex's cheek. "Dr. Alton, get me those ace bandages will you?" She asked quietly. 

Alex jumped at the mention of ace bandages, remembering the years he binded with those stupid, stupid things. "Wh-What are you gonna use those for?" He asked mildly.

Lafayette rubbed a hand comfortingly on his thigh. "They will just use them to hold the gauze in place, correct Ms. Payne?"

Alex looked down at the arms he was awkwardly holding out. How had he not noticed the stinging rubbing alcohol or the itchy guaze being applied? "Right? Just that, Theo?" He asked nervously.

"Of course, sugar." Maria soothed for her. "Ain't nobody goin' near your chest with those things while I'm around."

Alex smiled weakly. "O-Okay, go ahead please."

Dr. Payne smiled and started wrapping his arms with the bandages, careful with the cuts but adding pressure at the same time. 

It was silent expect for Thomas' soft humming that was calming to Alex's jumpy nerves.

"Whoever is humming Chainsmokers is gonna get knocked in their ass." Theo muttered.

Alex snorted loudly and leaned over to avoid a laughing fit. "D-Damn it Theo!" he laughed. Dr. Payne seemed to be resisting a laugh too.

"Alright and thereeee," Dr. Payne grabbed a small clip to secure the bandages and wheeled back. "All done!" 

Alex blinked and frowned. "Did... Did i really need to go to the hospital for this? Like, no offense, but I could've done this myself."

"Well, as a doctor i say yes, but as your friend, probably yeah." Theo shrugged. 

"Alton." Dr. Payne frowned. "Hamilton here could have gotten these cuts infected if not treated right. That could result in something as drastic as amputation. So yes, it was necessary."

Alex cringed. "sorry doc." He laughed. "I- oh  _fuck."_ He gasped.

"Wha'?" Peggy stirred, having surprisingly not awoken yet. "Ooh two hot girls, nice!" 

Angelica leaned over and punched her hard in the thigh. "Peggy!"

"What?" She whined. "Its a force of habit!"

Theo laughed. "Im flattered, Ms. Margarita."

"Im not." Payne snorted. 

Peggy frowned. "Thats harsh." She huffed.

Alex laughed lightly but quickly remembered the situation he was in. "I dont have insurance, I-I can't pa-"

"We'll do it pro bono." Dr. Payne interrupted.

Alex gasped sharply for air. "I thought that was only for surgeries!"

Payne shook her head. "Nope. It can be for anyone without the money to pay for even a check up."

Alex fought back tears. "You-You'll do that?" 

A nod.

"Th-thank you!" He sobbed, slipping off the gurney and into Laf's arms. 

Lafayette hushed him softly. "Thank you doctors." He said quietly. "You dont know how much this means."

Theo smiled warmly. "Its our pleasure Mr. Lafayette." 

Angelica nudged Maria and Eliza to get their things and prepare to get the car. Thomas took James' hand in his and stood up. "We're gonna go get some waters, anyone want something?"

"Tea if you're askin'," Herc nodded at him.

Thomas nodded back. "Alright." Their fued was forgotten.

John pulled Alex up into his lap so Laf had to let go. Hercules knelt next to his three boyfriends and looked warmly at Alex.

Theo nudged Dr. Payne. "Dr. Payne, shall we be going?"

"We shall." Dr. Payne smiled and stood up and promptly left the room. Theo followed. Aaron scrambled after.

Alex sighed against Laf's chest and nuzzled against him. He did it.

He did it.

He did it.

He did it.

**Author's Note:**

> how the fuck do hospitals work
> 
> also this ending fucking sucks
> 
> i wrote this all in one sitting i cant feel my legs help


End file.
